Relationships with others can be difficult and that is particularly so for our intimate relationship. Being involved with others in a social, work or intimate context has the capacity to bring up every issue imaginable. For most people, their relationships are a constant challenge and therefore often approached with a variety of fears, guilt and insecurities.
It is important to realize that all relationships you have are a dynamic of which you are a consistent part. You are also involved in them by your own choice even if you believe that you could not have refused. Naturally the other party is in the exact same situation as you are in that every relationship they have is also a product of their choices. In any relationship both parties are involved for reasons that are their own and make them responsible for any experience they create together.
Understanding this intellectually is one thing, knowing it on a heart level can be far more difficult. When conflict does arise for whatever reason, each will find it hard not to fall into the trap of blaming one another. Since both of you carry responsibility for the experiences you create you must take responsibility for your part and for your emotional experience you have in response.
Whether a relationship is a positive or negative experience depends on what you individually brought into it. Each of you will have a legacy of issues from childhood that you take into the relationship — consciously or in total unawareness. However, this not alter your responsibility for them or for the consequences they may create in the relationship.
If you choose to blame your partner for the negative experiences you create together, you are missing the point. By not accepting responsibility for your part in a conflict you become the victim. Without realising you choose to be the powerless victim rather than the strength of being self-responsible.
There are compelling reasons why you are attracted to a particular type and personality and they to you, which are outside obvious physical attraction. Most are well aware that their choices and attraction are not random because they believe that their particular taste totally determines their choice in partners. At the same time they usually have no idea why they finish up with partners they ultimately do not get along with or have similar conflicts with.
There is a lot to learn and know about relationships that all begin with your understanding of yourself and the process by which you create your life.
For more information on this subject read
The Truth Of Love and Fear
by Rudy Eckhardt
Meta-Credo Pty Ltd