05 Feb 2015
I have to say those last 5 sessions I did with you in November were the most powerful sessions that I’ve had with you.
It felt like everything else was merely scratching the surface compared to these…
Every day it seems that there’s this giant quiet space inside of me where I now live and stand – and unlike through achieving success through other things – sports, school, work, career or spiritual pursuits which allowed me this space “if only” I did x, y, z, etc. this is my space for me – it’s like you allowed me to claim what was mine as a birthright to be me.
It’s something I’ve had my whole life when a series of conditions were met and I “therefore deserved it” – but now it’s not something I need to deserve, it’s “just” me. And it’s the most beautiful experiences I’ve had to interact with others through this space.
10 Dec 2014
The good news is three-fold:
Good news number one – that my project continues to look good and moving forward.
Good news number two – that in these meetings, I continually feel natural and confident in the direct and clear expression of my own creative vision. (Directly related to the work we did together). What I’ve felt on the inside for so long is now living in my regular life.
Number three — to see that through your email here, that I still possess a box of false ideas and still do have that old resentment – which to me, represents “opportunity” that as I continue to move beyond these old things that I will open up myself to even greater expression and connection to those close to me — the two things that are my two joys in life.
I feel that that I’ve turned a corner in my life – that will be a part of the rest of my life… and whether I need to do spend time doing more of the “grunt work” to pay the bills, or my life will be more focused on work that I love doing — I’m finally pointed in a direction that I love.
Thanks for being here for me with your intelligence, support, and experience – (and I look forward to tackling a few of these old negative attitudes in our next sessions)
18 Dec 2014
The Mechanics of Fear.
(In response to doing sessions)
A wise, white-haired man once whispered to me, “You are the maker of your own reality.” For years I straddled the notion, stumbling down every path I took to its unveiling. Along my way, I passed walls that were vandalized with hate and doubt, terrorism and disunion. I saw how malicious a consciousness could be; viciously convincing me that what was in front of me was truer than any truth I had ever known. Forcing it down my throat like a bad medicine, bitter and vile. I was whiplashed by indecision, heart broken by fetal lies, shadowed by unfamiliar egos and ultimately betrayed by my own mind.
Hypnotized by this sense of the world, I began to accept the crumbling path I was on, despite its rubble and poverty, its homeless conviction and inept sensations, I loved it anyway. It was deteriorating all around me, a time bomb waiting to explode. But I loved the suspenseful ticking, like a newborn loves its warm mother’s heartbeat. It was my home, the only home I’ve ever known. Hope, I believed, was delivered only on the wings of labor, and it was a hard labor I thought I could not pursue. My knees couldn’t bare it. Gravity would not allow it. Like practicing a yogic handstand for the first time, I lost my balance, continually, inevitably, seemingly infinitely.
This was my reality. I created it. It had suckled at my body; I nested it and fed it, and watched it grow into a mature, killing machine, and I was addicted to its drain. But, however potent and persuasive it was, I still heard the white-haired man, mainly in my dreams and in visions I had of my inner self – a person I was still waiting to meet. “You are the maker of your own reality.” He told me once that fear can be a blindfold, hindering any truth that is yours to own. You are entitled to it and fear is robbing you. He is taking everything you own and calling it his. He wants to see you fall and squirm, kiss the rubble ground and worship its homeless, bottomless inhabitants. But like a mechanic who knows how to mantle the fragments of a car’s engine, the white-haired man knew how to take the blindfold off me, carefully, leaving no scar tissue or loose screw behind.
He loved what I thought was the unlovable and taught me too to love it. We ventured down paths I thought I had abandoned, never to be seen again. We recreated journeys that once fed awful memories, engineering new ones, filled with love and forgiveness. He had a queen too, the white-haired man. But she never asked for worship, only peace – reverence, not travail, and loyalty, rather than enslavement. She helped the white-haired mechanic filter through my rubble and dirt, sifting only the diamonds out. They asked for nothing in return, and they even let me keep the treasure for myself. Together, the mechanic, the queen and I forged a new reality. There were no cracked paths in sight, only foundations that could last 10,000 years. They could withstand anything. They crack from time to time, but they mend back automatically, almost effortlessly, reflexively. As now, there is hope to look forward to. And it did indeed come on the wings of labor, but it was not a lonely labor. It took with it a family, the mechanic and the queen, and we sweated the toils together. Our profits? Peace. A peace that the world may yet to have found, but we, in the making of our own reality, cradle it in our arms, stepping over the fear that used to define us.
21 May 2014
As you know I have been penning this letter to you for the past couple of weeks. I Just needed some quite time to gather my thoughts.
I wanted to make sure I shared my journey of personal re-discovery with those of you who are also thinking of challenging your personal status quo!
Ever since I can remember I have been challenged by an overwhelming urge of “ this is it” or “this is the one” these voices manifested into uncontrollable addictions. At various stages of life I was addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling. Gambling has been the addiction of addictions, as it has been with me my entire life. These addictions have taken their toll on my financial and personal life. I made decisions, which placed my wellbeing in danger as I was constantly throwing the dice so to speak in search of— ”in search of what” — I wasn’t even sure I just needed to fill these urges of “this is the one”
I NO LONGER SUFFER from these thoughts I am finally FREE from these urges.
Being FREE did not just happen, it sort of did, but it would not have, if it were not for you and your work with me —THANK YOU.
Despite knowing each other for 10 or so years and despite discussing on many occasions that I should come and do some work with you, I was hesitant, perhaps the fear of exposing myself, the real me which you did not know (little did I know you knew).
We started our sessions in February 2014. You suggested we catch up weekly to see how the sessions unfolded.
During the early sessions, amazingly I did not share my inner demon with you, the truth about my gambling addiction. I had been unable to shake it my entire life. Ever so quietly you went about your work, searching… more like a director moving your work towards the light. It was in our 8th session where you confronted me with my addictive behavior. You found out about it — no, not my gambling addiction but my mind set, my behaviors the very thing which drove me to my addictions.
I thought WOW – how did he do that? Unbeknown to you (as I did not mentioned it to you at the time) I just thought let me go about my life and see how I digest it all. Over the ensuing weeks I had opportunity to gamble, I have been under the usual stress, a trigger and have been in many gaming environments. I have sensed NO interest in gambling, not even a hint, no more questions in my mind and no more “this is the one”. It has been 2 months now and I am FREE. If you have not suffered from addictions you will not understand the FREEDOM I have achieved through Rudy’s work.
Rudy, Thank you from my NON-addictive mind, body and soul.
18 March 2013
When I speak of my experience of Rudy’s process, one word that always comes to mind is “unlocking.” The limiting patterns, issues, baggage, and ideals that I had been entrenched in have become unfastened and unstuck. When I say limiting, I refer to those times when we are not able to fully engage, connect and express what we feel in a way that is authentic to who we really are.
For me, these were both limiting patterns that I was aware of, and although could “see” and “recognize”, they still persisted; and also other matters where I was convinced that I had moved beyond and accepted, but yet were still somehow dictating how I saw the world and the world saw me.
At the time I met Rudy, I had been skeptical of any type of healing system, and still am. In my experience they all depend on being part of a system of ideas, beliefs and practices. Rudy’s work differs in that there are no required beliefs, world-views or ideologies to accept or follow.
Instead, once our false limiting ideas are lifted we are in touch with ourselves as a unique individual with particular abilities, which along the way we had moved away from and as Rudy says, “believed a whole pack of lies about ourselves”. When we begin to overcome these negative views on our self, and not simply replace one set of beliefs with another system, our world expands and our heart expands without trying. Without forcing ourselves, we naturally begin to live in an authentic way to who we really are.
What this all means is that both the way we see the world and the way the world sees us is enriched. To talk “nuts ‘n bolts”, this can translate into connecting with our families in a deeper, more heart felt way, and moving past negative recurring patterns in relationships with our partners and co-workers into more satisfying and respectful levels. I even noticed physical changes as well, including a change in my posture and the way I hold myself. By coming from a stronger and more genuine place internally, there is a freedom to live more fully as the “true you”. For me, this freedom has meant living in a brand new world with a whole new set of possibilities.
11 Oct 2012
The result of the work done last month has been pretty amazing.
So many past experiences and impressions left behind in an apparently organic, natural way – no bells and whistles, just as if “poof” and they’re gone. Curiously, the memories themselves were not only completely depowered, but in the past week or so seem to have almost evaporated to the point of a vague tracing of things that once were.